Bond... The Baby Bond :)

Dr. Linda Folden Palmer - The Baby Bond

Am primit cartea aceasta de la o graviduta draga in luna decembrie. Am rasfoit-o atunci si mi-am dat seama ca e pe placul meu, am tinut-o minte, dar nu am considerat ca am timp suficient s-o citesc in amanunt. Am inceput acum, de vreo 2 zile si nu-mi pare rau! Chiar daca stiam despre aceste tehnici de parenting ca sunt cele mai bune pentru copil (cunoscute drept attachment parenting, natural parenting, peaceful parenting), in aceasta carte sunt date sute de surse bibliografice, de studii medicale care demonstreaza importanta acestor tehnici. Asta in cazul in care unele mame probabil considerau ca gresesc cand isi asculta instinctul si isi trateaza copilasii cu dragoste si rabdare. Sau pentru mamele ce aveau nevoie sa citeasca asta ca sa poata sa le inchida gura "binevoitorilor" care indeamna la dresajul copilului. Sau poate e buna cartea aceasta si ca un wake-up call pentru parintii care chiar considera ca lasatul copilului sa planga ii face bine la plamani...

Deci e o carte superba. Deocamdata am citit doar un sfert din ea, dar am zis sa nu mai pierd vremea si sa va spun despre ea. Cine o doreste in format pdf mi-o poate cere. Eu deja am trimis-o gravidutelor cunoscute, ca sa se documenteze inainte de nastere deja. Chiar cred ca as fi vrut sa citesc cartea aceasta inainte sa nasc, ca sa fiu mai stapana pe mine, sa am incredere in instinctele mele.

Sunt explicate acolo si multe greseli ale mamelor care duc la pierderea laptelui, cum ar fi de exemplu faptul ca nu isi alapteaza copilasii noaptea sau nu dorm aproape de ei. Totul e explicat hormonal, medical. Musai de citit!

Nu stiam cum sa dau unele citate din ea. Foarte multe mi-au placut mult. Ma gandeam intr-o vreme sa fac un rezumat mai pe larg, sau sa le traduc mot-a-mot. Dar cum nu stau foarte bine cu timpul, singurei persoane care imi citeste blogul si nu stie engleza (adica mamei mele :D) i le voi traduce personal. Voi da citate din aceasta carte multa vreme de acum inainte, sper sa nu plictisesc sau sa nu enervez. Dar mi se pare ca aici le e locul, pe blogul lui Alex :). Am vazut ca e mai dificil de citit cu italic, asa ca am lasat fontul normal.

"During the late nineteenth century, it was suspected that “miasmas” or “vapors” in the air caused disease, which led to a heightened concern about sharing breath while sleeping. Especially in England and the United States, married mates who could afford to do so began sleeping in separate beds. This soon became a fashionable trend. Poor families tried to emulate the wealthy by having separate bedrooms for each member of the family. At the same time, the industrial revolution was changing family life. Speedy transportation was moving nuclear families away from extended families and friends. Mothers had less help with household and child care chores and began to value early independence in their children. As a result of these trends, even babies were pushed out into beds or cribs of their own. Unfortunately, a new problem developed for families—that of crying, sleepless infants vying for attention.

Enter Dr. Luther Emmett Holt, considered the father of pediatrics. Around the turn of the century, he started to teach that babies should never be played with. He came up with the idea that infants would be “spoiled” if parents gave in to their requests for “indulgences.” A baby’s desires to be frequently fed, carried, rocked, comforted, and to have something to suck on were “bad habits” that should not be obliged. Infant crying increased from this advice, but mothers were relieved by the (very erroneous) advice that infants needed to be allowed to cry for extended periods in order to develop their lungs."


"As women began to work outside the home, and scheduled bottle feedings became the norm, pediatric and hospital visits for illnesses became more and more frequent, behavior problems increased, and nighttime crying issues and night terrors became common problems. A new kind of child expert, the sleeping specialist, became popular."


"We have also been watching puberty occur at increasingly earlier ages. Now that many of these twentieth-century babies are beyond their third or fourth decades of life, we are faced with geometric increases in bowel diseases, obesity, and several kinds of cancers and autoimmune diseases. We have also noticed that the “unspoiled,” “early independence” children are having more problems than ever with adult independence, intimacy issues, and lasting marital relationships. Science is just now finding some keys to what is going on in our children’s bodies. First, we are learning, at a chemical level, about the consequences of our lost art of touch. Additionally, we are discovering some of the adverse effects of children’s exposures to pesticides, antibiotics, vaccinations, and consumption of milk from cows."

"Today, parents face many problems created by parenting and feeding techniques introduced over the last century. Colic, for instance, is far more common in the United States than in many other places around the world. I will show how two chief causes for its rise are the stress suffered by babies being regularly separated from their mothers and the common difficulties babies have tolerating the large cow’s milk proteins in infant formulas and breastfeeding mothers’ diets."

"Somewhat insidiously over time, child care has drifted into a regimen that aims to make strong, independent “adults” out of our innocent children, starting from day one. Parents have been encouraged to ignore baby’s cries and their own very strong instinctual urges to respond, to disconnect themselves from their infant very quickly, to create a detached, “independent” infant. I’ve certainly obtained this programming from social cues all my life: If you pick up the baby, coddle him, “give in” to baby’s requests, you will “spoil” him—“Don’t spoil the baby!” Yet, I have found that there is no sound research to support any long-term benefit from this advice. In fact, mountains of psychology studies suggest the opposite, and a look at cultures with differing practices bears this truth out."

"Quite contrary to the popular idea that babies are out to control their parents, I intend to demonstrate that babies are helpless immature beings with feelings and instinctual drives for survival and social imprinting. They thrive when they are tenderly cared for, nursed, and closely nurtured. Psychology and sociology researchers have found that, in reality, the significant result of today’s coveted early independence is poorly bonded children who often become poorly functioning adults. The outcome of our ubiquitous detached parenting is most clearly seen during adolescence when poorly attached children often exhibit highly destructive behavior toward themselves or others—often gently referred to as “antisocial” behavior. This behavior is the independent behavior that was sought—now, unfortunately, independent of the wishes of parents or society. It is the consequence of successfully preventing close bonding from birth.

Self-destructive and violent behavior has been a growing problem throughout the twentieth century. Nearly all who study it find it is strongly linked to the earliest treatment of children. In fact, it has been found that the level and quality of maternal care, especially during the earliest months, provides an incredibly consistent indicator of a child’s future behavior and socialization. Well-bonded, securely attached children are more responsive to parental requests, a kind of “dependence” that is preferable. Of course, the results of this behavior carry on into adult life. Furthermore, many adult diseases, both mental and physical, including the now common inability to form long-bonded marital or partner relationships, stem from this lack of strong early attachment.

Leaving babies crying alone in cribs and otherwise maintaining physical distance through plastic bottles, playpens, and plastic baby carriers contributes to poor attachment. Although the results are obvious, those who study the functioning of our nerves and hormones have now demonstrated that a hormonally conducted bonding occurs when two people consistently touch, protect, and care for each other, and that brain patterns are permanently altered by bonding patterns between parent and child.

Most would agree that children probably do not consciously remember the way they were treated during early infancy. Many recount this observation as support or comfort for their ideas about ignoring babies’ cries for attention and providing minimal stimulation. Yet, it can be shown that while the specifics may be lost, unconscious memories are developed on the neurological and biochemical level from birth—a baby’s brain develops according to its environment, from day one. Childhood, adolescence, and adulthood are all affected by this early programming. And, as far as the coveted independence goes, it has been shown that those who receive the most affection early on display the highest levels of independence as adults.

At the same time that emotion and behavior are being influenced by detached parenting, health and survival are also taking a beating. Formula feeding is a facet of detached parenting. Not only does withholding breastmilk lead to more illness and death when this important part of an infant’s immune protection is lost, but an untold number of babies, children, and adults suffer from physical and behavioral ailments linked to food intolerance reactions. These reactions are an immune system response, stemming especially from the early introduction of cow’s milk and milk formulas."

"Other parenting practices changed as a result of formula feeding. Today’s babies are kept in a separate room so that breastfeeding is not encouraged. Since these babies don’t nurse throughout the night while mom and dad sleep, they frequently wake up crying, wanting to eat. Babies often also suffer from chronic intestinal inflammation or indigestion due to irritating and difficult-to-digest foreign bovine proteins, which also makes them wake up crying many times during the night. Parents of these formula babies have to find ways to get a good night’s sleep. Measures designed to alleviate this sleep dilemma, such as imposing deep sleep by having babies sleep unnaturally on their stomachs, or exhausting children by allowing long periods of crying, have greatly backfired. We are now discovering that this once-coveted deep sleep has led to countless sudden infant deaths. Formula-fed crib babies also miss the comforting nursing and warm breastmilk throughout the night, as well as the sleep-inducing hormones acquired from nursing closely between two warm parents. Nature designed everything for the most peaceful, restful night for the entire family."